Wednesday, June 20, 2007

HTT, I don't like my girlfriend's friends!

Dear HTT,

You give straight-forward and logical advice. I like that you don’t mince words! I’ve got a big problem I hope you can help me with.

I’ve started to become serious about a woman I’ve been dating for six months. Not marriage serious, but maybe move-in serious. She’s great: smart, beautiful, sweet, laughs at my jokes. Really, what more could I ask for? Well, the problem is that I dislike her friends! They’re loud, drama queen types who draw a lot of attention to themselves and need a lot of hand-holding and support from my girlfriend. They’ve known each other forever, and go on and on about people I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t bad people, just annoying. We go out with them about once a month, and I never have fun. What can I do about this? Should I tell my girlfriend how I feel? Or can I subtly suggest that we not spend much time with them?

Like the girl, not the posse



Dear LTGNTP,

Good that you appreciate someone who isn’t a word mincer, because I have to deliver some tough news: your girlfriend comes with her friends, so either find something to like about them or break up with her now.

I’m sorry to be so blunt, but you haven’t given me much to work with. Under different circumstances, a kinder middle ground might have presented itself. Say, if you disliked only one or two of her friends. Or if you and your gal rarely spent any time alone and hung with her friends several nights a week. Or, if you sounded less pouty that someone besides you was on the receiving end of your girlfriend’s attention, support, and hand-holding. If you’d thrown me any one of these bones, I might have been able to suggest some compromises or strategies for keeping the peace. I’m a peace-keeping expert!

But, come on. You dislike ALL of her friends? You only have to see them once a month? You’ve known your girlfriend for six months, she’s had these friends “forever,” and you think you’ll come out on the winning end of a conversation about how all of her friends are annoying, loud, drama queens? You never know. Maybe she’ll capitulate, in which case, her friends deserve better anyway.

However, I’m going to assume that a woman who has friends she’s known forever has held onto the friends through at least a few other boyfriends. So, I think it’s in your best interest to examine your feelings, stop expecting to be the center of attention, and grow to appreciate, or at least cheerfully tolerate, a few of her friends.

HTT

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow. Those words were as un-minced as I've ever seen. And spot-on, too. I feel like I'm becoming a cheerleader here, but this is the second time recently that I have thought that HTT was delivering some much-needed good advice. I hope folks are listening and I hope I have the good sense to listen when the time comes.

Anonymous said...

Just tell her that they annoy you and that you don't want to hang out with them. Just don't create a double standard by making her hang out with the people in your life that she doesn't like. Scrapping the relationship instead of communicating about this type of thing is ridiculous advice. "Tell, her, the, TRUTH!"

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Christopher Stratton Smith said...

I get the feeling that the answer to the problem was that "It is impossible that a fun and smart girl can have vapid and boring friends and it is you who should grow up"

Not exactly the way things work, I'm afraid.