Wednesday, August 22, 2007

More on crushes

A guy friend of mine begged to differ with my advice to the previous letter writer. He said that he'd prefer the object of his crush to be less opaque about her feelings so that he's not left guessing. But, when pressed, he couldn't come up with what she should actually say. I maintain that there's no polite way to tell someone you're not interested in them, particularly if they haven't expressed interest in YOU.

The burden is on people with a crush to rip the band aid off if they really want to know where they stand with the object of their affection.

However, as I tried to express to "Crushed," I think it's humane....a kindness, a try to get the point across somehow that she's not interested in dating her pal. Don't make him rip the band aid off if he can avoid it.


Anonymous said...

I agree with HTT. What if Crushed isn't reading this guy correctly and he isn't actually interested? Then Crushed looks a bit like a jerk, maybe has an inflated ego, when all Crushed wants to do is keep the guy from getting hurt.

Something I've tried, and I don't know how well it works, is to make a point to talk about someone I'm actually interested in with the person I suspect has a crush. Maybe I'm seeking their advice because the person I like is sending me mixed signals. Anyway, the goal is to tell them that I'm interested in someone else.

Like I said, I don't really know how effective this is. What do you all think--is this a good way to handle it?

Anonymous said...

I think mentioning someone you *are* interested in is a good way to handle it if you can be gentle or subtle (like HTT suggested). By doing so, you are letting the person with the crush know that your eyes are on someone else, yet you value his friendship enough to confide in him.